When I was growing up, sex was a taboo in our household, which is like many Muslim homes regardless of how religious the families are. I remember thinking of sex as a thing for only morally low individuals. As I got older, I learned that sex was good, but only in marriage to a Somali born husband. What were worse than the “morally low” to our 200 scattered Somali families were those, who would entertain with the idea of being with Non-Somalis.
Their demands were accepted by me however there were no Somalis in our 98% pale skinned people of Middle America. We were beyond a minority, more like a dark dot on a white paper. I remember thinking this is ridiculous, how can I find a Somali husband, when I have to travel 20 miles just to see a person of color.
A lot of Somali girls including myself date outside of our community without the knowledge of family or the community. Living such a double life, where you pretend to be something you’re not is in my opinion, extremely and emotional draining.
These young women are breaking cultural boundaries by secretly dating men outside of their religion and culture because the number of Somali people is not enough to look for a partner. Somali parents strictly prefer their children to court and marry a person from their own culture; many of these parents fail to understand that the Somali diaspora in America is a small pool.
“I got tired of looking for the right Somali man to date that’s when I met Michael and I can’t imagine life without him even though only few people know about him” says Anab, a friend of mine
The pressure of looking for Mr. Right in a pool the size of a box has created a platform of living a double life. At home these young women pretend to be what their parents want them to be and in real life they are living the life they want.
In some cases those who meet a decent Somali partner leave there double life behind and go on to being simple housewives and mothers.
“The problem is the only place to meet potential husband is by going to Somali weddings or parties and I hate both so I am out of luck” says Nimco Ahmed
Ahmed is dating an Italian male from Milan. She has no plans of marrying or even introducing him to her parents or family members.
“My guy is very patient because he understands my situation so we complement each other” added Ahmed
If you ever ran into Ahmed on the street, she is dressed in religious clothes, and she looks like the type that never misses a prayer. She is wearing a brought blue scarf with long sleeved shirt and very loose skirt, very typically Islamic attire.
“We have had sex in his place, in his car, and have even gone on vacation together” says Ahmed
The girls explained that, somehow, having forbidden sex makes them feel awful and excited at the same time.
The down fall to living a double life is that a lot of times these girls forget the consequences of sex when they forget to use protection.
Anab, not her real name by the way, stated that she has had over 9 abortions in just her relationship with Michael; a man she loves but will never marry because her family would never accept him.
But there are cases, where young women actually marry their secret lovers, one of them is Anab’s best friend Ifrah; who is married to her once secret white English lover and has son with him. Her mother still wishes that her daughter was married to a Somali, but she accepts her daughter’s husband.
Parents of young Somali women should consider that their actions are forcing their daughters to live emotionally risky lives, which ultimately ends with broken hearts, countless abortions and worst cases, sexually transmitted diseases.
https://raphaelsiniora.blogspot.com/ https://www.facebook.com/RaphaelSiniora https://twitter.com/RaphaelSiniora
